IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT MY MOTHER WANTED

I DON’T HAVE TO

I DON’T WANT TO

WRITE ABOUT MY MOTHER

ANY MORE —-

SHE PLAYED MY LIFE

LIKE IT WAS HER OWN

SHE MADE NOVA SCOTIA

FOR ME TO FOLLOW

TO FOLLOW HER

TO HER DEATH —-

AND 18 YEARS BEYOND

TO LIVE WITH THE SINGLE HOPE

OF “LOVE” WITH 2 HUSBANDS

I WASN’T LOOKING FOR —-

FOR DEDICATION TO ART

I WASN’T AIMING FOR

 

SHE TRIED TO MAKE ME

INTO HERSELF

& LOOK WHAT HAPPENED

I’VE BEEN ONLY HALF ALIVE

FOR HALF MY LIFE SO FAR

AND NOW I RECLAIM

MY TRUE SELF —- OH

it’s been hanging around

scared to pop out

BUT IMMA POPPIN’ NOW!

GOD DAMN IT!

I’VE HAD IT WITH MOTHAS

I’VE HAD IT WITH GOD FIGGAS —-

WHAT AM I NOW???!!!

YA WANNA KNOW?!

 

THAT’S FOR ME TA KNOW

& YOU TA FIND OUT —-

IF YOU DARE

 

By Joanna Hyde
New Year’s Eve 2011  The Hawk

 

 

 

11 comments

  1. pointsthruprose

    Joanna, I see this as a first in a series of, at least, two other poems on finding and reclaiming the “TRUE SELF”
    What a proclamation! This is not an easy task in this heavily controlled world. Even if we are blessed with parents who don’t try to recreate themselves in us, we still have the rest of the world to fight in this quest for true self.
    Many books have been written on this topic, but you have beautifully and succinctly conveyed what we all need to hear.

    • Joanna Gilman Hyde

      Thank you for your insightful comment, Jackie. Now you have my curiosity up about which other poems you are referring to, or do you want me to write them?

    • Scriptor Obscura

      Whoops, sorry, I just saw that I had misspelled the word “absolutely”. Sorry about that! I guess it just goes to show how much I liked this poem, that I was so hasty in my response here. Next time I’ll be more careful!

  2. Joanna Gilman Hyde

    How many other women out there have been controlled by their DEAD MOTHERS?!

    Thank you so much for this enthusiastic response.

  3. fhhakansson

    This was very powerful in so many ways! Not only in terms of content but the bold and differently cased lines (structure) enforces the feelings and emotions behind each word. Joanna really is a good poet!

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